Screw politics, just watch TV

Americans faced with a difficult task: deciding the next president based almost exclusively on whim, superficial criteria and a complex equation political scientists call the eeny meeny miny moe theorum.

I can sense your eyes glazing over, so let’s just talk about television instead. Which show do you like better: Miami Vice or Father Dowling Mysteries?

The parallels are striking. On Miami Vice, Tubbs, much like Barack Obama, was raised by a single mother, and, like Crockett, Joe Biden lives on a boat. Much like John McCain, Father Dowling spent several years in a Cambodian prison camp. And Sarah Palin is from Alaska, which is kind of like being a nun.

But maybe those shows are before your time. (Hello, youth vote!) Or maybe you like them both so much, you couldn’t possibly choose. Then try this one: Which do you prefer, law or order? Specifically, when you watch Law & Order reruns from the 1999-2000 season on TNT, which half of the show do you enjoy more? The Law part, with the young go-getter black detective with something to prove and his veteran partner who always has an off-color joke at the ready? Or the Order part, with its grizzled old coot and the attractive young woman he keeps around to tell him where his keys are?

So really, the question isn’t are you voting Republican or Democrat, but why aren’t you voting for TV?